It’s finally time! The first series of Terrahawks has launched on Blu-ray and DVD courtesy of those idiots at Network, and I thought I would take time to address you all on this momentous occasion. It’s always most gratifying to see the continued interest in my television debut, despite it unfortunately focusing more on the exploits of the pathetic Earth defence organisation Terrahawks than my good self. I did mention this to Gerry Anderson back when we were shooting the series, but he overruled me despite my strenuous objections (and before you ask, I have nothing but respect for the man – to stare down the business end of a neutron disruptor without blinking takes more guts than most of you Earth scum have!)
The set includes the first 13 episodes of the series, from my initial attack on Earth in the two-part opener Expect the Unexpected through to the mighty Sram’s hijacking of the Overlander in Thunder Path – and my own personal favourite story Gold, in which I finally succeed (sort of) in offing that meddlesome clone Ninestein! What do you mean, ‘spoilers’? It’s over thirty years old now, you gurgling gonks!
But Auntie Zelda, I hear you cry, I have all these episodes already! That’s as may be, but if memory serves the episodes you have all had access to until now have been somewhat lacking – and not just because they star that hideous clone and his sniveling pack! Eleven of the thirteen included here come from 16mm prints which have been painstakingly (emphasis on the pain, naturally) restored in high definition to greatly enhance your viewing experience. There are now colours other than greys and browns, the image doesn’t wobble like Yungstar’s stomach, and my incredible beauty now shines through in greater detail than ever before! Which obviously is your main reason for buying this set. I know. I understand.
(I would however be doing you a disservice were I not to mention that two episodes included here are sourced from the previous standard-definition editions. Please accept my deepest apologies – I didn’t have time to destroy the rest during my visit to the ITV archives!)
I sense you have another question; aren’t there any new special features on these discs to sweeten the deal even more? What cheek! If it were up to me you’d get nothing at all and like it, but those Network nincompoops have seen fit to put together an extras package far more interesting than the adventures of Ninestein and co deserve; brand new interviews with Richard Harvey, Steve Begg and Terry Adlam, HD trims from the model department, an HD image gallery featuring many previously-unseen stills from the making of the series, annual and script PDFs, and even a music video by Glass Onion featuring that metallic moron Sergeant-Major Zero.
There’s also the first instalments of the animated Zeroids vs Cubes web-series and the new audio series from those cretins at Big Finish, while for those of you still nostalgic for your old Terrahawks VHS tapes (seriously, get over it! I had to chuck out my entire movie collection and start over when Betamax went under but you don’t hear me complaining!) they’ve even managed to include the very first compilation movie featuring additional scenes not found in the broadcast episodes. I can’t remember if I’m in those scenes or not, but if you’re mad enough to want them they’re there.
I must away; I’m a firm believer that if you want something done properly you have to do it yourself, so Lord Tempo is taking me forward in time to oversee production of the series two and three sets. With any luck, Network may still have one or two employees left alive by the time I’m finished with them!
Yours (is a planet I shall soon crush with the greatest of pleasure!),
P.S. – Network also asked me to consult my family for their thoughts on the release;
Terrahawks on blu-ray? WOOOOOOOOOONDERFUL! – Cystar.
I like the actor playing Zelda’s son; he’s very handsome! – Yungstar.
When do we get to my episodes? – Itstar.
#### TRANSMISSION UPDATE – PRIORITY ONE – SIGNED COPIES AVAILABLE! ####
Those insufferable cretins at the Official Gerry Anderson online shop have just sent me the following transmission:
“We are pleased to be able to offer an EXCLUSIVE to our customers and fans – a signed copy by one of the lead artists Denise Bryer, Jeremy Hitchen or Robbie Stevens to the first 30 orders we receive!”
While these Earth artists are clearly not remotely as beautiful as I am, I may take advantage of this exclusive offer myself!