by A21 Reporter Andy Clems
International Rescue’s London Agent, the world renowned Lady Penelope Creighton Ward, foiled a daring heist from the British Uranium Store late on Friday evening.
While Lady Penelope was unavailable for comment, her aide-de-camp, one Aloysius Parker, relayed the story to our A21 correspondent.
“Er Ladyship and I were h’engaged by the International Rescue ‘ead ‘oncho for a spot of h’action h’against some diabolical villains. The nasty gentlemen in question were a devious trio known as the Quantum Three. They planned to loot, er, rob a quantity of Uranium from the ‘igh security storage vault on the coast.
With no time to lose, we took FAB 1 to the scene and were soon primed and ready for the Quantum Three to make their ‘h’appearance. ‘Er Ladyship reckoned that they’d approach the coast in a fast motor launch, quiet and very nippy if they wanted to make a quick getaway.
‘Owever, it turned out to be one of the rare occasions that Lady Penelope was wrong. As we waited in the car, we ‘eard an ‘igh-pitched whine approaching from the south. There in the distance, just visible h’against the clouds in the setting sun, we saw an h’executive ‘elijet.
M’Lady ordered me to prepare the cannons, but just as I was doing so the ‘elijet dropped rapidly until it was below the line of trees surrounding the Uranium store. There was nothing for it but to proceed on foot.
Fortunately, Lady Penelope and I were dressed in our darkest clothes, and were almost invisible h’against the wall of the building. As we approached the trio of crooks, ‘ard at work with an electronic lock-pick, we ‘eard them talking. One of them, obviously the leader, was instructing the others on the next phase of the plan. He ‘appened to mention their destination, a place called Oxton’s Cove.
‘Ard as it may be to believe, I knew exactly where they were talking about. Oxton’s Cove is part of a small island about ten miles off the south coast. I’d spent quite a few summers in my youth boating out to it. I mentioned this to M’Lady and then, creeping very close to the notorious bunch, we sprung into h’action.
In a loud voice, Lady Penelope called out, “Excuse me gentlemen, would you mind turning around? The game, as they say, is up.” The three men spun around almost as one and the closest man pulled an ugly looking gun on us from his ‘ip ‘olster.
M’Lady was ready for ‘im and delivered an h’effortless karate kick to the chap’s gun ‘and, sending his weapon skidding across the concrete. Meanhile, the largest geezer must have taken offence at being caught red ‘anded and charged at me like a bull in a china shop. I was winded, but not out of the fight and landed a blow across the back of the bloke’s ‘ead. Good thing too, as the third member of the gang was putting up some ‘eavy resistance to ‘Er Ladyship’s h’attempt to h’apprehend ‘im.
I stumbled over to ‘elp and somehow got a large fist in the face for my trouble. That proved to be the distraction Lady Penelope needed and, crouching low, she swept ‘er leg out and caught the rotter’s feet out from under ‘im. He spun once, and then crashed to the ground with a very satisfying thud.
With the trio well and truly out of h’action, all that was left to do was to phone the local police. Not bad for one evenings work. Well, I must be off now, Lady Penelope will be needing ‘er supper. Cheerio.”