by A21 Reporter Andy Clems
That reliable robotic Private Eye, Dick Spanner, has done it again! In a remarkable twist that left the world of crime spinning and this writer dizzy, Spanner foiled the latest of Miles Worse’s fiendish plots!
Worse, a diabolically cunning ne’er-do-well, has plagued the Big Pear in recent weeks with his one man crime-wave. He started waving at 3pm on Thursday afternoon and was still at it several days earlier because he’d gotten ahead of himself.
Spanner began his investigation at the Big Pear’s popular Aquarium and Gymnasium, after receiving a tip that something fishy was going on at the plaice.
Spanner reports, “I saw two guys flexing their mussels and called one of them over. He called me something unprintable and told me to get on my Pike. I couldn’t recall his name, but I knew him to sea, he was salmon I used to know. One of the mermaids was having a whale of a time and that’s when it hit me. I picked it up, it was a crustacean and also a clue. I decided to crab it while I had the chance and hoped it would help me sidestep any trouble later. Maybe I was being shellfish, but there was something about the thing that stank of the wrong side of the claw.
Leaving the aqua-gym, I spotted a character I can only describe as very shady – he was wearing six pairs of sunglasses. He took a left into a cardboard factory. Right, I had him boxed in. I went for my forty-five with the hair trigger, but wouldn’t you know it, I pulled out a pocket calendar. If Lieutenant O’Grady caught me with it, I’d be looking at twelve months.
Suddenly, there was a noise at the rear entrance, but I knew that was a bum steer, and circled around the front just in time to collide with the shady character, now wearing a Moroccan hat. He had a familiar fez, and I knew the only guy it fitted.
‘It’s over, Worse, stick ’em up!’, the words had barely left my voice box when the pots of glue flew at me from his outstretched hands. An instinct made me dodge a sticky situation, but Worse came unstuck as they bounced off the wall and back onto him. When the cops arrived to take him away, the charge sheet stuck to his hands. But I guess you can’t fault the guy for trying to adhere to the letter of the law.”
Spanner was decorated for his actions by the Acme Paint and Paper Company.